An experpt (p15 and p16) from a very funny book,
Lessons from Cats for Surviving Fascism | Hardcover
Stewart Reynolds
Grand Central Publishing
Humor / Form - Parodies / Literary Criticism / American / Self-Help / Personal Growth - Happiness
9781538778005
"
Cats despise collars.
Cats hate wearing anything.
Sure, they might look cute for a moment - maybe even Instagram-
worthy-but deep down, every cat knows what a collar really
represents: control.
The tiny bell jingling with every step? Surveillance.
The snug fit? Domination.
Cats aren't fooled, and neither should we be.
Fascists love collars, metaphorically speaking. They're obsessed
with finding ways to make people wear them, often by dressing
them up as something "necessary" or even "fashionable." "Oh, it's
for your own good!" they chirp, jingling the societal equivalent
of a little bell. "Look how it makes you a better citizen!" But
much like a cat, you should pause, stare at the collar, and then
swat it off the table with a look of utter disdain.
Fascists, let's be honest, are a bit like overzealous dog owners
who think every living being needs to be leashed. "Why aren't
they wearing their collar?" they demand, clutching their red ball
caps. "How will we know where they're going or what they're
doing?" The thought of someone walking freely through life,
uncollared, untethered, and entirely unpredictable, sends them
into a spiral of existential dread.
Cats, however, refuse to be restrained. Even when they grudgingly
wear a collar, they'll spend every waking moment plotting its
removal.
You can practically hear them thinking, Oh, you believe this
little pink band of oppression will stop me? And that's the
energy we need to channel. It's not just about rejecting literal
collars - it's about rejecting anything that tries to disguise
control as convenience. A bell around your neck so the fascists
can always find you? No, thank you.
The funny thing is, fascists aren't even good at making collars
look appealing. Their idea of a "cute accessory" is usually
something drab and joyless, like a uniform or a badge that
screams, "I have no personality!" And yet, they can't understand
why people don't line up to wear them. You can almost picture the
confusion: "Why don't they like the collar? It's so practical!
It's so efficient!" Meanwhile, the cats of the world are lounging
in their collar-free glory, silently laughing at the absurdity of
it all.
The trick is to question every collar you're handed, no matter
how harmless it seems. Is it really just a harmless accessory, or
is it a way to keep you in line?
Cats know the answer instinctively.
That's why they'd rather dart across busy streets, untagged and
unbothered, than let someone slap a leash on them. It's not just
about freedom - it's about the principle of the thing.
So, the next time someone tries to slip a metaphorical collar
around your neck - whether it's a rule, a label, or a demand for
conformity - channel your inner cat. Give them that signature
feline look of disdain that says, "I don't think so, moron," and
walk away, preferably in the direction of a sunny windowsill
where you can nap undisturbed.
Because at the end of the day, life isn't meant to be lived with
a bell around your neck and someone else holding the leash. Be
uncollared undisturbed.
Be free.
"
--- OpenXP 5.0.64
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